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 Kotei...A soldier

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Kōtei
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Posts : 6
Join date : 2012-04-11

PostSubject: Kotei...A soldier    Wed Apr 11, 2012 5:24 pm

“I have three precious things which I hold fast and prize. The first is gentleness,the second is frugality, the third is humility, which keeps me from putting myself before others. Be gentle and you can be bold; be frugal and you can be liberal; avoid putting yourself before others and you can become a leader among men.”


Basic Character Information:


Name: Kotei
NIckname:Omo,Kuro [Kuro is a secret Identity name]
Age: 17
Gender: Male

Looks:
He is very light skinned,light cream colored to be specific,he has dark blue eyes.He is very slim and Tall,he stands to be about 6'0 and he weighs 181 pounds,His abs are more of zig zag shape like some peoples then rectangle because he was once FAT and had to work for his body shape and figure.His hair is usually in a pony tail shape .He has bangs that lean to the left and one loose strand of hair on the right corner of his head.
He wears a long shirt and a blue like pants,hes a sorta messy kid,He wears two earnings and a chain he can be stylish too!His long shirt symbolizes his style of fighting.He is young,and very attractive,he does not hold the arrows on his head that most people of his nation do.His clothing and looks express his freedom in style and his free young personality.He keeps a small warm smile on his face most of the time to ensure people that there is always happiness,even at the most scariest moments.

AT NIGHT

At night when Omo has things to do he often wears a black long suit that looks like a shirt connected with a skirt,a long black skirt.He does this so he can stay hidden if it ever occurred during the night that he had to fight.The black cloak signifies numerous things,It signifies his skill and passion,at least thats what he thinks.And this night suit comes in handy because he will be moving during the night time,A LOT.

Personality:Omo is Never angry,Nor sad...but he is a cheerful person.If you find Omo sad then there is something seriously wrong with him.even though he is this cheerful and happy there are very few who were willing to trust him even,only because he is so happy people feel he is hiding something.Omo seems to be fully aware of the effect he has on others and more than once has been seen toying with people's emotional states for his own amusement.He enjoys it but at the end of the day it makes him feel bad.Little things like bad breath or bad teeth and really soft things tick him off.But things like the rustling sound of paper made him feel good. Ever since he was a child, dried persimmons have been his absolute favorite food.

When Omo is serious,he will not hold back at anything he is doing,whether it be fighting,or somehting simple as cooking.Omo has eyes that make even stronger opponents sometimes scared,along with his voice.When he is serious his voice gets this demon type raspy sound,like papers crumbling in his throat.Omo also has this neat skill to knit! He is a fret knitter and sometimes he will Knit his own clothing.He has a leading personality and can change or influence people.He is always trying to make things work and will risk his life to save a comrade.Omo hopes to take on students because he know his love passion and care will help "Young Ones" succeed in life.Yes,he calls people "Young One" Even though he is not all that old.He can never sit and read a book,or sit and study because of his child like nature when he isn't in battle.He is the one you can call when you wanna play around in the grass!


Rank Information:


Rank: Soldier
Nation: Air Nation
Organization:N/A
Bending Element: Air

Skill Information:


Special Characteristics:
Name:Endless breath
Nation:Air
Description:Residents of the air nation have large lung capacities and are able to hold their breath for extremely long times. They can breath in rough weather like sandstorms smoke and ash, and are very good and holding their breath.

Name:Perfect Aim
Nation:Air
Description:Residents of the air nation have extremely accurate aim, they can locate and pin point things quickly and accurately, and almost never miss their target. They are the best marksmen out there.


Name:Swift fist...Monstrous hands!
Nation:N/A
Description:His hands move at speeds which people lower rank than him would be hard for them to trace.He has figured out Most of the pressure points of the human body and will use that to his advantage.He has studied them through his young years,He used to think that he never had the ability to bend and wanted to be a vigilante.

Name:The best
Nation:Air
Description:He is known to be one of the best and the strongest soldiers but of course no one knows the truth,but he is the most respected,so he has heard,He has a lot of fame and if anyone is to ever see him they will most likely show respect, and because of, that people like him and always try to get on his good side.


Techniques:
Spoiler:
 


History and RP Sample:
History:

The Beginning of a valuable life
Spoiler:
 

School,and living life as a kid
Spoiler:
 

Big Boy,Experiencing his new powers
Spoiler:
 


Rp Sample:

One day, while playing at the fields outside of Takigakure, Kuro sees a small rabbit at the far horizon. Intrigued, Kuro chases after it laughing happily while doing so. However, his fun soon ends as night falls and Kuro finds himself trapped by a bear trap. With his left leg severely injured, Kuro is barely able to survive the wilderness as after days of defending himself, Kuro finally collapse, succumbing to pain and hunger. Waking up, Kuro finds himself in a cave free from the bear trap that was trapping him earlier. Still feeling the pain from before, Kuro struggles to crawl out of the cave crying due to the immeasurable pain in his left leg. As Kuro is crawling out of the cave, a silhouette covers the entrance and walks closer to Kuro. Once again, Kuro succumbs to the pain of his broken leg and collapse.

Waking up again, Kuro sees a man in his late fifties bandaging Kuro's left leg before looking up at Kuro and smiles. Kuro, though alone and far from home, somehow feels safe in the presence of the old man. Days and soon years goes by and Kuro's left leg is already healed. Kuro, intrigued with the symbol on the old man's right shoulder asked him what it is. Smiling, the old man just says It is something I don't want to remember. Not wanting to pursue his question, Kuro walks slowly out of the cave and looks at the beautiful surrounding. Smiling, Kuro is at peace with his heart as the old man walks up to him and place a hand on Kuro's shoulder. Its time for you to return home... Kuro, looking up at the man, smiles and nods as the man kneels down in front of Kuro and smiles.

Returning home, Kuro was shocked as almost everything has change. A ninja from the village saw Kuro and immediately ran up to him and hugs him. Kuro was then brought to his parents house as the entire village had given up hope in finding Kuro due to the wars that happened. Again, years went by and Kuro, throughout the years had been meeting his friend secretly in hoping that no one found out about it. It is also during this time, that Kuro found out more things about his mysterious friend. Hailing from Konoha, the man belonged to a clan called the uchiha clan. Tired from the internal conflict between the uchiha, the old man decide to flee Konoha due to not wanting to be involved with more wars.

Throughout the years, Kuro works in refining his jutsus with the man, especially his water jutsus and also, it was the year when Kuro becomes a chunin. On his eleventh birthday, Kuro went to meet the old man at the usual meeting place however only to find his friend collapse and unconscious. Rushing to his aid, Kuro uses his water jutsu to carry his friend into the cave and treats him for days until one day, the old man wakes up. Upon his wakening, Kuro asked him what is going on but instead was just answered with everything will be ok Though not satisfied with the answer, Kuro once again choose not to pursue.

A year went past and Kuro, became a master of water jutsu and a jonin at the age of twelve. One day, while visiting his old friend, Kuro was quickly and swiftly taken out by an unidentified jutsu that causes his body to be paralyzed and numb. Though able to see what was going on, his vision is clouded as it gets darker, only to see a shadow creeping over him before passing out. Waking up, Kuro finds himself within the cave he is supposed to meet his old friend only to find an immense creeping pain in his head when light enters his eyes and his body starts to feel heavy. Forcing himself, Kuro stands up and staggers to find his old friend only to find him lying on the ground eyes closed. Kneeling over him, Kuro, feeling worried over his friend more than his own self starts to shake him only to find his old friend smiling once again. Everything..will be alright.. was the only thing Kuro was told as he hands Kuro a flask containing water. Drink it up..it will ease the pain Kuro, with pain in his head trusted his old friend and drinks the water and immediately finds his own body getting lighter and the headache gone. Looking back down at his friend to assure him, Kuro found that his old friend, is no longer with him. With that, marks Kuro's new life as the bearer of sharingan.

After years of isolation, Kuro has figured out a way to remove the limitation an implanted sharingan has on a stranger by consuming the hero water while adjusting his new eyes to his chakra. Due to possessing an implanted sharingan in both of his eyes, Kuro is constantly using his sharingan as his own eyes thus making himself used to the chakra tax of the eyes and adjusting to the chakra the eyes consumes with the aid of the hero water that was given to him by his late friend. After perfectly mastering his sharingan to the point that he no longer feels any fatigue, Kuro goes on to further develop his very own variation of the mangekyou sharingan. Months of focusing his hero water enhanced chakra to his eyes, Kuro is finally able to activate his very own mangekyou sharingan.

Returning to the village, Kuro starts working to make Takigakure a peaceful nation, away from war and forging ties with other nations. Despite not being one of the major nations, Takigakure had never once been invaded by any other nation thus growing in strength and might. With this, Kuro stands at the top of Takigakure overseeing it and turning it into a prosper nation.

[Off topic RP sample]


Last edited by Kōtei on Mon Apr 23, 2012 10:45 pm; edited 12 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: Kotei...A soldier    Sat Apr 14, 2012 10:25 pm

Done
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Iris
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PostSubject: Re: Kotei...A soldier    Sat Apr 14, 2012 10:28 pm

app put to the side since there is another current Water Avatar in the works

just so its fair since its still being made
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PostSubject: Re: Kotei...A soldier    Sun Apr 15, 2012 4:47 pm

Application Denied

the Water Avatar Position has been filled.

You may go back and apply for a different position though that is still available.

sorry for any inconvenience.
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Kōtei
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PostSubject: Re: Kotei...A soldier    Sun Apr 22, 2012 9:58 pm

Done
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PostSubject: Re: Kotei...A soldier    Sun Apr 22, 2012 10:28 pm

ok to start things off

first
there are a lot of messed up codes so go back and fix those

second
every custom special characteristic and custom technique is too vague. You need to elaborate on all of these.

third
the Specialty Skills section is not even here. I suggest you go back and get this so you may choose one of those to make your character more unique.

fourth
a lot of your capitalization and grammar usage is not the best. Especially the capitalization. It just looks unprofessional so if you would could you please fix this.

fifth
Lengthen your history, its too short for someone who has earned such a high rank.

after these revisions are made i shall take a look
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PostSubject: Re: Kotei...A soldier    Mon Apr 23, 2012 9:57 pm

DONE XD
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PostSubject: Re: Kotei...A soldier    Mon Apr 23, 2012 10:08 pm

ok so basically this is going to sound mean no matter what way i put this

im going to say bump your rank down to Soldier

i dont want to fill a General Position to someone who has not proved themselves enough to be a general

i am sorry Kotei and i know you have had a rough time with characters but simply, bump your rank down, edit history so it follows your rank, and edit your techniques and weapons and special characteristics and you still have yet to add a specialty skills section

so after you do this i will check your app again
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PostSubject: Re: Kotei...A soldier    Mon Apr 23, 2012 10:34 pm

Just guess that that isn't enough....now done >.>
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PostSubject: Re: Kotei...A soldier    Mon Apr 23, 2012 10:39 pm

there are still many things wrong with the app

your history and rp sample are fine, you can leave those alone now. Along with looks and personality.

what is wrong is the Special Characteristics area, techniques, and the non existent specialty skills section

and your weapon needs to be weakened for your rank, just slightly though. Like only the part of the body stabbed will be paralyzed. not the entire body

A lot of these things are very vague and too OP without some sort of elaboration.

I am sorry I have been so rough on grading your app, but after you fix these things im sure you will get this approved.

PM me or ask me in the cbox anything you may have. And if you want me to go through your app and tell you what needs to specifically be changed i can.
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PostSubject: Re: Kotei...A soldier    Mon Apr 23, 2012 10:45 pm

idk if it is done...just check -__-
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PostSubject: Re: Kotei...A soldier    Mon Apr 23, 2012 11:00 pm

i only saw one thing that was changed, and it was the rank from being general, to now being soldier

i will go through every part of your app and tell you what needs to be changed.

Quote :

Name:Swift fist...Monstrous hands!
Nation:N/A
Description:His hands move at speeds which people lower rank than him would be hard for them to trace.He has figured out Most of the pressure points of the human body and will use that to his advantage.He has studied them through his young years,He used to think that he never had the ability to bend and wanted to be a vigilante.

this implies that your character has the ability to block chi, which is banned to benders. edit this and tell how strong he actually is, or how fast he is actually going and what kind of damage will occur

Quote :

Name:Air Orb
Rank:Soldier-LOrd
Element:Air
Range:1-25 Feet
Description:Being the air general he has an extremely rare techniques in which he will move his hands at an fast motion facing the opponent and an air orb will begin to circulate the target so fast making it loose 5% their breath/oxygen every 1 post.Once caught it will be hard to escape

this is essentially a weaker void, so change the wording around a little bit so it is more understandable and weaken it since you are no longer a general

Quote :

Name:Big BLOW
Rank:Soldier
Element:air
Range:1-35 ft
Description:This technique allows the user to suck in great amounts of air and let it go at anytime,to blow away things that are near him,Usually if a person is close to him within the distance of 10 feet the most it can cause damage.This technique is also used to propel the user in the air and blow away other things.This technique can be used while moving.

the wording in this does not flow and thus it makes no sense at all, so please edit this one

Quote :

Name:Air Bullet
Rank:Soldier
Element:air
Range:1-25 ft
Description:This move was specifically made by Omo,he will move his hands swiftly to produce air in which the air will become a gust of air flowing and speeding as fast as a bullet, fired from a gun,the closer the opponent is the more the damage.He can only fire 2 bullets every post so this technique can basically be used once every post.

it says there is damage done to the opponent, yet it does not tell you in the slightest what kind of damage would be taken upon the opponent

Quote :

Special Abilities:This knife Is small and Omo often Hides it in his sleeves,There are two and they contain poison sacs in the middle of the Knife.The knife has a little hole on the tip and if anyone touched it they would find out that it is rubbery in the middle.This is so when Omo stabs someone he will squeeze the middle so the poison will release into the target.The poison will paralyze the targets whole body for 2 posts.

this was from the vampire daggers, and these are too strong for a soldier rank, so make it that when you stab a certain part of the body, that part will be paralyzed for two posts.



and lastly, there is still no specialty skills section. If you want to have things like the poison, you have to have the medic specialty skill. So if you wish to keep things like that, take that one. You may switch things around though if you choose to have a different specialty skill.

fix these things to my specifications and when they are done i will check your app again.

this application will not be approved until these things are revised and actually make sense.

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